Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we're making bets on your personal life
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
