My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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