highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
