my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize