I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
