the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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