we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize