dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
