You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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