Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
