Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
