Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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