you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
