I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
