Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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