Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
