He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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