My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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