the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
