on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
