No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
