i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
