dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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