i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
