Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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