i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
