the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
