When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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