Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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