Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
