ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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