Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
