come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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