How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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