Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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