you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
