So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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