I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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