The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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