This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
