We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
