That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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