for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
