Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
