dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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