I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love you. Go after that dick
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
