i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
