Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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