Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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