we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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