i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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