The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
