i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
