Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You pole danced in your parka.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
