I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
