The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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