the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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