You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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