I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize