You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
