Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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