i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
