then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
