but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
