you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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