Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
