I wanna bring you to show and tell
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
