the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
