Can Purell be used as lube?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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